I am definitely not the same person who left for Dr Joe Dispenza’s first ever 10 day long retreat in Cancun just a little over two weeks ago. It wasn’t my first retreat, but it was one that changed me the most. Every day was intense in the most wonderful way, every meditation, every coherence healing brought new, unexpected and exciting experiences. Many times during the retreat I thought to myself “This is my best ever meditation”, only to be taken to new highs during the next one.

Not that long ago I was lying in bed thinking whether I had any expectations towards another person in a relationship. I was relieved, happy and actually proud of myself, when there were none (I will explain in a minute why I used the word “proud”). The only thing that I heard was “Honest and true to who they really are”.

For a long time my goal has been to become more love, to see love in everything and everybody, basically the opposite of what is encouraged in the world right now. First it started with a quest, with a yearning to find unconditional love and once I finally found it in me, all I wanted was to experience greater and greater levels of love and to become more of it.

Far too often we behave in a way other people want us to behave or in a way we think they would like us to behave. We try to please others, be who they want us to be in an effort to be accepted and liked. We want other people to think highly of us, we do not want to disappoint anybody and we do not want to be different. We want to belong.

Everybody has better and worse days, everyone experiences times when they feel like they could move mountains and times when they feel tired or overwhelmed. It is completely normal and yet, when we decide to change, when we work on overcoming ourselves and becoming somebody new, we can sometimes become disheartened when we make a mistake, when we notice familiar, unwanted thoughts, feelings and behaviours to appear more often than they normally would. What is more, when your priority is your happiness, when you work on becoming the best version of yourself, when you are really passionate and dedicated and you want to add more love and light to the world, it can be far too easy for you to assume that you should never react, that you shouldn’t have bad days, that you should always be joyful, loving, kind, patient and understanding. That kind of thinking is not only wrong and unhelpful but also not loving to yourself and might lead to thoughts of judgment and self-doubt, questioning yourself, your dedication, your conviction and to feelings of guilt, unworthiness and failure.

Time and time again I find the feeling of unworthiness one of the greatest (if not the greatest) obstacles that we set ourselves preventing us from living our lives to the full, being happy, feeling free, basically being who we truly long to be. I do not just base it on hearing other people’s stories, but also on my own personal struggles with feeling worthy.

When we experience problems, when somebody lets us down, when our hearts are broken, we feel hurt. How we respond, what we do afterwards varies greatly and has an impact on our future lives and on our happiness. Some people vouch never to experience anything so painful again, they build protective barriers around them, withdraw from social life and prefer to be alone. There are others who go straight into new relationships without learning any lessons from a previous one, only to find similar patterns and challenges repeating themselves. Some take time to look carefully at what happened, they look at the mistakes made, learn lessons and decide to change, to think, feel and act differently in the future. Their hearts are open, they love themselves and they trust in love.

There were many times when I tried to recall when and how I first heard about Dr Joe Dispenza, but to no avail. It feels like he has always been in my life. The first time I saw Dr Joe live was in 2014 at Hay House “I Can Do It” weekend conference. Dr Joe was the main reason why I took part in it. There were many wonderful speakers at the event, however, already back then Dr Joe’s lecture differed, it was special. I remember looking at the room and everyone was silent, everybody paid attention to Dr Joe’s every word. We might not have realised it completely back then, but on some level we could feel Dr Joe’s deep connection to the Truth and to us all, his heart, love, sincerity, care, dedication and passion.

We have been really lucky to have some amazing speakers in Manchester just this month like Bruce Lipton and Deepak Chopra and in November we are going to be visited by the amazing Anita Moorjani.

The word selfish has got a lot of negative connotations attached to it. A lot of us are taught that it is bad to be selfish, that it is important to make other people happy, that we should always put others first and mostly care about what they think and say. Religion practiced in my country when I was growing up certainly encouraged all of the above and made us feel guilty for any selfish thoughts or deeds. However, is it really bad to be selfish? What does it really mean to be selfish?

A lot of us think that we have to be perfect. We set very high standards for ourselves and other people and are disappointed when they are not met. We believe that we need to be perfect partners, perfect parents, we need to look great, be intelligent and have a great career, lots of money and success. When we do something, we often think it is not enough, that we are not enough.

If I told you that you hold a secret to happiness in your heart, that you are a powerful being and it is you who decides what your life is like, I am sure that quite a few people would get annoyed and would tell me to get lost.

On the 21st of April 2024 was the third global Walk for the World organised by Dr Joe Dispenza and his team. Every walking meditation that we do is extraordinary and creates powerful experiences.

Why is this world so dark and cruel? Why is my life so difficult? Why do these awful things keep happening to me? Why are there people who are mean and want to cause pain and suffering? Why can’t this world just be perfect? These are just some of the questions people ask all the time.

There are many wonderful people out there who have beautiful hearts, who want to help others and who want to save the world. The truth however is that the world is not broken and nobody really needs saving.

In one of my recent morning meditations I was told to never take anything coming from ego personally. Every day I understand and remember more about the Truth, about our essence and yet these reminders coming from within are essential and extremely valuable. Even when you know who you really are, this 3D reality can be very seductive, it can seem overwhelming at times and it is sometimes easy to forget and lose yourself to some extent in self-pity, self-doubt, blame, judgment or fear.

All of us came here for a reason. We actively wanted to be here, to feel all of the possible emotions, to love, to laugh, to cry, to kiss, to hold somebody’s hand, to ride a bike, to listen to birds singing... To experience it all, the so called good and bad.

Recently I was asked some questions around sending love to others which prompted me to write this blog post. It was particularly the feeling of guilt that was expressed when receiving back the love that was sent to another person.