Is it ok to be selfish?

The word selfish has got a lot of negative connotations attached to it. A lot of us are taught that it is bad to be selfish, that it is important to make other people happy, that we should always put others first and mostly care about what they think and say. Religion practiced in my country when I was growing up certainly encouraged all of the above and made us feel guilty for any selfish thoughts or deeds. However, is it really bad to be selfish? What does it really mean to be selfish?

In 2017 I was really excited to take part in Dr Joe Dispenza’s Progressive retreat in London. The whole weekend was totally amazing, the love I experienced there was incredible, I was buzzing. I felt like that for months, I was walking on air. Nothing really was a problem for me, I saw perfection in everything and everybody. Not all the time of course, but it was evident I was glowing. Life seemed really beautiful and exciting and I would wake up genuinely happy. I didn’t respond in the same way to the seeming problems, I just knew that everything would sort itself out in the best way. However, the more I acted in this way, the more opposition I felt from my loved ones. To them my reluctance to join in drama and not wanting to get all upset about something that was happening was taken as a lack of care. I was told repeatedly that I stopped caring, which couldn't be further from the truth. Unfortunately, after a while of hearing these words, I started taking them to heart. I would never do that now, but back then I slowly started giving in to ego, fear and other people’s expectations of who I should be, what I should think and how I should feel and act and gradually I noticed old, familiar patterns of behaviour starting to come back. I never completely gave in, but I wasn’t really where I wanted to be. I traded my own happiness for somebody else’s wants and needs.

Online Cambridge dictionary defines selfish as “Caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people”. Can you be selfish and still care about and love other people? Yes, I very much believe you can. Let’s look at what selfish in that sense really means.

When you look at the world and others from a perspective of a human being, it is quite easy to understand why the word selfish is defined in the way it is. However, when you realise that in Truth all of us are perfect, that we are extensions of Source, that all of us are creators of our lives and that we came here out of our own volition to experience it all and to enjoy our lives, then you will start defining selfish differently.

Our main purpose here is joy. That in itself is worth repeating over and over and really taken to heart until it is properly understood. When you look at the way we live, the way we think, feel and act and how we treat ourselves, our lives and others, you would definitely not come to the conclusion that we came here to experience joy. How often were we told as children that our main job here was to be happy? And how often were we encouraged to make happiness our priority? Not often, if at all. And so those of us who know that there is more to us than just our bodies, those who want to break free from the stereotypical way of thinking, need to go within for answers, need to be strong in our convictions, know where we are going and follow our Truth, follow our heart.

Real happiness can only be found within and it only depends on you, deliberately choosing thoughts that make you feel good and constantly tending to the way you feel. Can you achieve that by judging yourself and feeling guilty, by worrying about what other people are going to think or say, by putting their needs first? The short answer is no. If you want to be happy, if you want to enjoy your life, you need to put yourself first, you need to make happiness your priory. Your thoughts and your feelings are the only things that really matter. Nobody else can make you happy in the same way as you can’t make other people happy, not in the true sense, not in the long run. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. You need to remember that they are not weak and fragile beings, they are not broken. They are perfect beings of love and light who wanted to come here and their life is their own journey.

When you tend to the way you feel, making sure you are happy, you light the way for others. When you take time for yourself to be love and to be happy, you change the world in more ways than you think and make it a better place to live.

Let’s begin to define selfish in a different, positve way, as taking the time for yourself to truly understand who you are, what you want and finding love and happiness within. As one’s responsibility to take care of their own thoughts, feelings and behaviours making sure they come from love. As making it a priority to feel good, to love yourself and your life. As the right way to approach life.

Start being selfish and really care about the way you feel, listen to your Truth, be who you want to be, love yourself and your life and you will naturally start loving others 💜