Self-worth

I can tell you that you are special, magnificent even, but it won’t mean much if you yourself don’t know it, don’t feel it, don’t recognize it.

A few of my friends are cleaners. The job gives them flexibility to care for their family, the money is ok and they are really good at what they do, however I noticed that it is not of which they are proud. Some of them do not even tell their family what they really do for a living as they feel ashamed, and, of course, that really affects their self-worth. Why is that? Why are some professions more respectable and better paid than others? We as a society dictate what is good and bad, what is prestigious, what deserves acceptance and even applause. 

What is your honest opinion of waste collectors, cleaners and people working at sewers as an example? I am positive that there are people in these jobs who feel fulfilled and proud and I salute them, but from what I have witnessed, most people do not treat them with a degree of importance they deserve. The truth is that all these jobs are absolutely crucial for our health and well-being. Where would we be without all these wonderful and hard-working people? Can you imagine the state of our hospitals, streets, homes, offices and so on, without them? So why do we treat these professions as something less than for example a lawyer, an actor or a reality star?

What about teachers? There is even a saying ‘Those who can’t do, teach’. Teachers have got an extremely important job - they look after and shape the minds of young people, our children and, as a consequence, help shape the future generation. Just like parents, with the right direction, they can help our children become the best version of themselves - self-confident, caring, loving, knowing who they are and what they want. What can be more important? 

The most crucial question in regards to self-worth, however, is this one – why do we care so much about what other people think, about their beliefs and values and not our own? A profession is just an example here. We tend to focus on opinions of other people instead of looking inside to see what is important to ourselves, what it is that we really want, who we really are, what our true beliefs are. We often tend to put aside our dreams in fear of being ridiculed, misunderstood or rejected by others. If we pay more attention to what is outside than inside, even when we find something that we love, something that brings us happiness and fulfilment, but others don’t accept or respect it, we can start doubting ourselves, become disheartened and even give it up.

For years I looked for a meaning of my life, for validation, for happiness and love in many places, until I realised that it is all in me. Other people and external sources can of course help on your journey, but the truth is that your happiness and self-worth really depend on you. If your self-worth is linked to external factors instead of your own thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs then it will never be strong, reliable and stable.

Self-worth is tightly linked with self-love (please see my blog post on self-love for more information). When a person truly loves and accepts themselves, they feel worthy. They don’t need to prove anything to others, they don’t need money, success, achievement or other people’s acceptance to feel worthy, to feel love and to be happy.

We all come from different backgrounds, we have all had different experiences, some of us had it really tough and self-worth might come easier to some than others, but in all cases, self-worth is something that needs to be worked on, it is not built in a day.

What helped me the most was understanding that I am in charge of my life. I create my life every day with my thoughts, feelings, actions, choices and beliefs and it is I who can change them. It really is up to me what my life is like, whether I accept and love myself, whether I am happy and fulfilled and whether I love my life. Observing and changing my thoughts and feelings is crucial. It isn’t enough to do it once or twice. If you want a change to be permanent, you have to commit to it, you have to work on it every day. Knowing what you are doing and why you are doing it, together with feeling grateful, having love for yourself and the process helps enormously.

Self-worth comes from within. When you truly know yourself, love and accept yourself the way you are, you are not going to be fazed by what other people think of you, by negative criticism or judgment.

Some might say that it is easier said than done. It might not be easy, but sitting, complaining and doing nothing is not going to take you anywhere. Please remember that it is your life and you make the choices. Whatever you decide is fine, but it helps immensely to know that you are in charge of your life and that you can change it 💜