Self-love is often frowned upon and treated as a sign of vanity. It is believed that it is selfish to love yourself.
As a child I was taught by the Catholic church to put everyone before me. I was often made to feel guilty for having certain thoughts, feelings or any kind of wants. Self-love was neither encouraged nor properly explained. That caused a lot of confusion in me and led to self-doubt, anxiety and feelings like guilt, shame and blame.
Self-love is without a doubt a very misunderstood concept. I believe that teaching our children to truly love and accept themselves is one of the most important things that we can do. Self-love is essential for our well-being and forming healthy and happy relationships. If we do not love ourselves, we cannot truly love others. This statement without a doubt will meet with some opposition so let me please try to explain it further. If we do not love and accept ourselves the way we are, we will always look for external things and other people to fill the gaps in us created by our lack of love for ourselves.
When we do not accept and love ourselves, our love for others will be conditional. We will look for a partner who could give us what we can’t give ourselves.
True self-love means being honest with yourself and open to your feelings and your needs, loving and accepting yourself no matter what, at times when you do well but also when you make mistakes. It means loving and accepting your body, your accomplishments, your strengths and weaknesses - basically everything about yourself. True self-love means striving to be the best version of yourself, loving, kind, respectful, grateful and patient towards yourself, knowing that change takes time.
Please know that it is ok to be sad, to feel angry, misunderstood, anxious… There are always going to be better and worse days, working on yourself is a life-long process, it doesn’t happen in a day. You need to cut yourself some slack. It is about being honest with yourself and not putting up a brave face, smiling when you feel like crying, trying to be constantly positive and thinking that life should be a fairy tale. It is not about positive affirmations, but about getting to know yourself, truly, who you really are and what you really want.
Self-love means loving and accepting yourself the way you are including all the baggage, all the failures and mistakes. Please remember that mistakes turn to wisdom if you learn from them. Everyone has past, everyone has the so called good and bad experiences. But that’s why we are here - to experience and evolve and challenges help us grow. If you hold on to the past, you can’t let go and forgive, you only hurt yourself.
Love everything about yourself, including ego. Ego, the inner critic, is a part of you here in this life.
When you love and accept yourself truly, you start to see the world in a different way. There is no need for judgment, hate, blame, there are no gaps to fill, you feel whole. True self-love naturally extends to everything and everyone else. When you love, accept and respect yourself, you treat everyone else in the same way.
Unfortunately, a lot of us weren’t always loved and shown how to love, accept and respect ourselves. Whatever your childhood and experiences have been, it is never too late to get to know yourself and gradually start to like and love yourself. No experience, no person is worth you giving up on yourself, on the love that is in you for you. All it takes is a desire to be happy, a willingness to look inside and to get to know yourself. Please remember that real happiness can only be found inside, the feelings of worth, content, peace and safety come from within.
Do you have much to lose by trying to discover who you really are and finding true happiness and love in the process? Only you can answer that question and make a choice that is going to be the best for you. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall. What matters is that you get up and try again. You can only be a victim if you decide to be one. Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be 💜
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